cuts like a knife

May 7, 2011
12:16am

Since the day I started to love you, all I wished is just to have a happy relationship. I did not asked for a perfect lover nor a perfect relationship, as long as there's "us". I braced the fact that fights and misunderstandings are always present in a relationship and that's the reason why I hold on to ours. Yes we fight from time to time, we overrule each other and even dominate each other, yet we're still here as a whole. In 8 months being in this relationship, I'm loving you more, and it grows more and more everyday.

But this isn't a love story I'm narrating here.

I promised myself to change after being dumped from my past relationship. And I'm quite proud that at least I was able to change some negative traits I used to have. I learned to be humble, accept my mistakes, and control my irrational jealousies. But one thing remained, my over sensitivity. It's quite understandable because your words are to much to bear. You always misunderstood my words. Instead of apologizing, or  be humble enough to admit a certain thing, you always twist it the other way around and make it look like it is my fault. And you always make it to the point to say things that will offend me. If it is done purposely I don't know. But I want you to realize that you are hurting me. I've done things for you that I have never done before yet I feel those are not appreciated, 'coz if it does, you won't even think of hurting my feelings. I love you. But for every time we are faced in this kind of conflict I was thinking, it's better off to stay single. You are hurting my pride, my ego, my morale, everything. Good thing God did not made our words a sharp weapon 'coz if he does, I am physically battered by now after being slashed several times by your words. I've asked you so many times why do you have to be so dismissive with your words whenever we have a misunderstanding? I don't remember being rude to you. I always try to be careful with my words whenever we fight because I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you? Did you ever consider mine? You are harsh. And by the time you are reading this I know it will create another issue about me looking for your every flaws. I'm not perfect, and so do you, yet why can't we work it out? Damn... I'm so pissed off with you!

You are not the ideal man I dreamed of. But I love you enough to overlook the standards I have for a relationship. If you love me enough, then be a man and stop hurting my feelings. You made a crying baby for crying out loud. I love you so much that it hurts me whenever we fight. Have you felt this? I think not. Does it only proves men are insensitive? I hate to think that one day I will realize you're not worth my tears anymore...    I know you're not into this kind of stuff. You're not interested browsing in to some things I have my interest on so it will be impossible for you to stumble here on a purpose, but if by chance you are able to find this, I hope it's not too late.

As of today, I still love you, and I'm sure I still love you tomorrow. But the next days, months, I don't know, years? I'm uncertain.

Haaaay... Mahal na mahal kita Michael kung alam mo lang. Wag mo na sana kong saktan sa mga salita mo.