February 27, 2009
10:43pm

I love being in love. Yet, being in love doesn’t always ends you up happy. There are different situations wherein you can completely say you are happily in love. It may be, you’re in a relationship and you are happily in love with each other. Or, you’re heart beats faster than its normal beat because of this person, that though he doesn’t know whether you exist or not, still can make you smile throughout the day. Yes, being in love may be the best feeling in the world. But, too much is not good, as they say. Instances are, one may get too possessive. Obsessed? Sure. I don’t know much about it. I searched on the internet for the meaning it possess and here what it says: “emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction. The word love is both a verb and a noun. Love is not a single feeling but an emotion built from two or more feelings. Anything vital to us creates more than one feeling, and we also have feelings about our feelings (and thoughts about our feelings). This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states. As an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person." So that’s how it is defined in the web. But for me, love is simply the feeling for someone or something important to you. You know you’re in love when you care so much, when you always think of that certain person. I'm not a love expert, but everyone for sure has their own definitions of love.
I love someone. I care for someone. But, I can’t tell why I get overly jealous. I became possessive, to the point that he even called me selfish. That hit my ego, and I’m hurt. I admit, I get selfish at times that I become immature and irrational. But that doesn’t change what I feel for that someone. I understand where he is coming from. But I couldn’t stop to rant, rant, and more rant. People around him, I know, they pity him for having me as his girl. I can’t really change. May be it for the better, no, I just can’t do it. I’m trying but he’s not really helping me. I hate myself more and more.
I love being in love. But not this way….

Feb. 26, 2009
07:32pm

I feel so disappointed with myself. I had my deliberation for promotion last week and up to now I still haven't got an update about it. I don't know If I'm one of those lucky employees who will be promoted. So I passed my civil service, yet, I know I messed up during the interview. Hmmmm... Wish I could make it. If not... I don't know. I'm sure I'll be very disappointed with myself more.

Anyway, Rawee just had his defense this afternoon. And it is so incomplete without having so much text from him. But, I understand, though. What important is that he'll graduate this March. I'm really praying hard for that. God knows how much effort he put on his studies just to pass all his subjects, to the point that he, almost, forget that I'm still here. But again, I'm trying to understand that.

Tomorrow's Friday again. Another week down, and it's already March next week! How time flies so fast. I'm looking forward for two things this coming days: My promotion. And Rawee's graduation. I know we can do it!

Happy Hearts Day

February 14, 2009
09:25pm

I thought this day's going to be a disaster. Last night's the most unforgettable moment of my life... so far. We had the biggest fight that almost lead to break up. Something happened that I really cannot bear and I decided to not text him for the mean time. I was really hurt. To think that it's valentines day tomorrow... To get to my point, I texted him at around 10pm and said that it might a good idea if he should just focus on his studies, without me to distract him. He did not replied to my message. The next day I received a message from him. Again, I chose not to reply just to think more of what he said. At around 8:00 int the morning, while I was preparing to go to school to get my yearbook, I heard someone calling my mom outside the house. The voice was so inaudible that I doubt my mom can hear it so I just personally went to the door to see who was calling. To my shock, there outside our door was him! I don't know what to react because I wasn't really expecting that move from him. He said sorry. And from that, all the pain I felt last night suddenly vanished. I hugged him and I realized I couldn't let go of him just like that. I love him so much to just forget the good things he had done for me. And with what he did, he just proved how much he love me. And today, I promise to be a good girlfriend to him. I know I have my flaws and I admit it and I am willing to change. I overlooked all the good things he'd done for me and now it's time for me to repay all that. I will love him more than that I used to. Now, this is the best Valentines for me... so far =)

Thank You Lord!

I'm really so overwhelmed today. Really, I wasn't expecting this. While the page is currently on loading my heart was pounding triple times than it used to. And then suddenly, when the page has finally loaded... Kaching! There's my name! I passed the Civil Service Eligibility exam! I don't know what to react. My world became ecstatic. I know it's not a big deal, but hey, this means a lot to me! At least I know that there's a security on my job now. And I've proven that I'm not just a pretty face, but also a pretty face with brains. I don't really expect this. I'm actually preparing myself for another disappointment since this is the second time I took the exam. I failed on the first one and now... Geesh... I really can't get over this hahaha if there's another word for happy then that'll be the the word I am feeling right now!

Feb. 7, 2009
11:43pm

I just finished watching 8 below. Got teary eyed while watching this film. Well, it only proves how animal/pet lover I am. I am actually looking forward watching "Marley and Me" which according to my brother is a very good movie. Dramatic, yes. It is unusual that my brother cry over a movie but this one does. Terrific! And now I'm dying to see it. But I can't watch it alone or the movie house will be flooded with my tears. Hmmmm... Wish I have someone to watch this movie with. My mom can't come tomorrow 'coz there'll be visitors coming over to our house. My friends? Well, I can't really count on them with that since they're all busy. Well, my partner? Let's just say he's one of those people I can't also count on this one. So I guess I'll just have to wait for some uploaders online so I can download it. Oooohh I really do feel alone this past couple of days. I wanna go out but no one is there to go with me. As much as I wanted to go out alone, but I don't like the idea of me strolling on a mall by myself.

It's Sunday tomorrow. Wish something like sort of a miracle will happened. Wishful thinking.

Feb. 7, 2009
12:12am

I'm having a headache right now. I don't know if it is because of my "singaw" or of too much stuff running into my mind. I can't sleep though I want to and drown all these stupid thoughts. Haha funny. I am watching this movie entitled "Kasal, Kasali, Kasalo" and it reminds me uncannily of something. Well, some of it relates to my love life right now. Especially the part where the couple never stops bickering and bickering to each other, and that the lady antagonist is not in good terms with his husband's mother. Hahaha I can really relate!

Well, I can't really hold back my headache. Gotta to sleep.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME. YOU ALWAYS ACT LIKE YOU'RE INNOCENT, LIKE YOU NEVER DID ANYTHING, LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING, LIKE YOU'RE "KINDEST" PERSON ONE SHOULD'VE KNOWN. YOU'LL BE THE DEATH OF ME. I'M NOT THREATENING YOY. I'M JUST GIVING YOU AN IDEA WHATEVER HAPPENS TO ME.